a diesel dream last night woke me up at 4am. i was waiting for my mom to bring me her ashes. i think i was standing in a park outside some big shopping mall, and i saw my mom in the distance carrying the white bag with her ashes in it, casually slinging it bag and forth like it was a shopping bag. i ran to get it from her, feeling distressed that she was treating the bag so disrespectfully. there's a blank in my memory here, but i know that when i got home, someone told me diesel was waiting for me under the bed. i went to the bedroom, and there was some semblance of diesel under the bed. it was her eyes and small shape, but she had no fur, or rather she had rough prickly hairs covering her skin. i pet her, and she didn't seem to want me to touch her. she was curled up and sort of rolling around. she would let me touch her but would then strike me hard with her paw. it didn't feel like her, but i recognized it was her. the strangest part was that i had no problem accepting that this strange creature under the bed was diesel but that in the other room i also had diesel's ashes in a bag.

there was another very distressing dream. actually, i'm surprised it wasn't this other dream that made me wake up, since it was pretty terrifying. i don't remember much of it, except that someone tricked me and several people that were important to me to go into this house, which may have been more of a restaurant. we we were all scattered about the building, whatever it was, when we realized we'd been tricked. the house had machine guns hidden in all of the walls and ceilings, and all around us bullets started flying. i watched as everyone i cared about was perforated and killed by gun shots from invisible sources. myself and one other person i think escaped the murderous house, but it was horrifying. then there was a lot more to the dream of trying to go back and rescue people and figure out who it was that was behind the murders. i know i felt deeply betrayed by someone in the end, but i can't recall the details.